Adam Sandler to Star in Video Game Movie “Pixels”

Have you ever been playing a video game and suddenly been hit by an overwhelming yearning to see Adam Sandler in it? Then this news is for you.

The Wrap has announced that Adam Sandler is on board to star in a brand new Happy Madison movie based on the video game-heavy short film, Pixels.

Like any good (or bad) Sandler movie, this one will co-star some of his best buddies. In this case, Kevin James and Josh Gad.

As for the love interest, Jennifer Aniston has expressed interest.

What the plot of the movie will be is anyone’s guess. The short film it was based on is notable in its complete lack of a story. Instead, you get scenes of 8-bit video games like Tetris, Space Invaders and Breakout causing chaos on the real streets of New York.

It’s visually stunning and definitely clever, but it’s got about as much story as the board game Battleship.

So, Hollywood, hear our plea: please don’t make this another Battleship!

There is also the matter of what Sandler and company hope to do with the story. A movie about video games is at once almost completely untapped and bizarrely condescending to the fans it hopes to draw in. In 2014, it’s safe to say every single teenager in America has played video games, but when it comes time to talk about them on the big screen, the jokes are always the same. Video game players are friendless losers with pasty skin and chronic virginity. It’s a stale joke that needs to be retired. Pixels is a golden opportunity to move the gamer movie genre forward in a way that other movies have so far failed to do.

Of course, in it’s way is Hollywood. Studio executives aim to suck all the fun out of the project. In this case, by demanding that the movie be a “tentpole-sized action-comedy in the vein of “Ghostbusters.” Get out your groan machines. What’s a groan machine, you ask. It’s a machine you use to make groaning sounds on a loop for 90 to 120 minutes depending on how long the tentpole-sized action comedy in the vein of “Ghostbusters” is.

But before we completely dismiss Pixels, it should be at least noted that the one potential saving grace is that the script’s writer is Tim Dowling, the same guy who wrote the very funny, earnestly nerdy Role Models. If he can make LARPing seem cool, perhaps he can do the same for 8-bit gaming.


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